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Finding the Perfect Partner | Psychology Today

14 Dec My premise may not be an easy to accept, but if you can courageously consider it , I truly believe that you will be much more successful choosing the right partner in the future. To get started, ask yourself how you would answer the following questions: Have your past partners turned out to be who you. 17 Nov Most dating sites let you use filters to pick out what you want or don't want in the other person, which also increases your chances of finding the right mate. But if we're secretive, hide information, or lie, then later it could bring problems or obstacles to the relationship. For instance, if you start dating a person. 25 Apr Your spouse's belittling behavior is appalling to you. You wouldn't dream of treating a mouse running loose in your home with such abuse. Yet your spouse— your “lover”—feels entitled to bully you and your young child this way. You ask yourself, “How did I ever get trapped in this God-forsaken, unfair.

Most of us have a long list of attributes that describe our perfect mate, from general traits — smart, kind, funny, adventurous, understanding — to specific skills and interests — good cook, loves baseball, politically active, likes to travel. So what are the most important things to prioritize if you want to have a happy and successful relationship? Decades of research into relationship satisfaction and longevity points to several key qualities you may be able to spot early on:. Having a partner who meets one's ideals in terms of physical attractiveness, excitement, status, and wealth, on the other hand, is much less correlated with overall satisfaction.

This research also found that having a partner who fell short on attractiveness, status, and excitement did not affect satisfaction if that partner was also highly warm, kind, and loyal. In other words, those more "superficial' traits were not important at all for those whose partners were kind, understanding, and loyal.

Are You with the Right Mate?

You should seek someone who is similar to you. A large body of research shows that we are attracted to people who are similar to us, especially those who share our attitudes and values. And, in fact, similar couples are happier.

Why You’re Attracted To Certain People

Research has shown that couples who share tastes, interests, and expectations tend to encounter fewer conflicts. There is also evidence that spouses who start out more similar in terms of educational attainment, age, and desired number of children are less likely to get divorced. In addition, seeking a mate who is similar to you may sometimes have you searching for traits that are more idiosyncratic — improving your chances of landing someone who has those qualities.

Almost everyone wants a mate who is kind and good-looking, so kind and good-looking people are going to be in high demand on the dating market. But if you really want someone who shares your passion for ballroom dancing or your obsession with Buffy the Vampire Slayerthe competition is likely to be less intense.

Psychology Today Are You With The Right Mate

Conscientiousness is about being reliable, practical, rule-following, and organized. People who are conscientious tend to bring that trait into their relationships and are more dependable and trustworthy.

The personality trait that affects our relationships most is emotional stability. Those high in neuroticism the opposite of emotional stability are much more likely to have negative and argumentative interactions with others, including their partners.

It could be a sign that a relationship with that person will be rocky. But you can get a sense of how hard they will work to maintain a happy relationship and resolve conflicts. You need to understand their general philosophy about relationships.

Researchers have identified two primary sets of beliefs about relationships — growth beliefs and destiny beliefs.

They believe that once two soul mates unite, everything will be perfect — when a relationship is meant to be, everything will just work out. In contrast, those with growth beliefs think that relationships take hard work and that a strong relationship is something that you develop over time.

They believe that all relationships inevitably encounter problems and that having a stronger relationship means working hard to cope with difficulties that arise.

These different attitudes toward relationships have major implications for how people cope with relationship difficulties. And when the going gets tough, they give up, rather than working to repair the damage.

In each case, the person demeaned his or her lover. So did expressions of discouragement toward a partner talking about a personality feature he or she wanted to change. Two Kinds of People in the World Do loved ones value "form" or "substance" more?

In contrast, those with growth beliefs are more open to discussing problems, and respond positively to challenges in the relationship by working to resolve them. These are just a few qualities that you can look out for early in a relationship.

This is not an exhaustive list; there are other qualities also associated with relationship success. That sort of thinking is a destiny belief! But all of these factors have been shown to be associated with having happier relationships. And they are things that you can figure out pretty quickly as you get to know a new partner. So keep them in mind the next time you consider entering into a new relationship.

Preferences in human mate selection. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 50 Not all ideals are equal: Intrinsic and extrinsic ideals source relationships.

How to End Up With the Right Partner

Personal Relationships, 22 ,— Similarity of outcomes, interdependence, and conflict in dating relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 59 The psychological infrastructure of courtship and marriage: The role of personality and compatibility in romantic Psychology Today Are You With The Right Mate.

Spousal dissimilarity, race, and marital dissolution. Journal of Marriage and Family, 69— Are you in a healthy relationship? Linking conscientiousness to health via implementing and immunizing behaviors. Journal of Personality, 82— The Five-Factor Model of personality and relationship satisfaction of intimate partners: Journal of Research in Personality, 44 Personality and conflict communication patterns in cohabiting couples.

Journal of Research in Personality, 40 The daily life of the garden-variety neurotic: Reactivity, stressor exposure, mood spillover, and maladaptive coping. Journal of Personality, 73 Personality, birth order and attachment styles as related to various types of jealousy. Personality and Individual Differences, 23 link, — Personality predictors of levels of forgiveness two and a half years after the transgression.

Journal of Research in Personality, 42 The longitudinal course of marital quality and stability: A review of theory, methods, and research. Psychological Bulletin, Implicit theories of relationships: Destiny and growth beliefs. The most sickening thing I've ever heard a relationship partner say is. Love doesn't make people mind readers: And when things come crashing to the ground you'll find yourself alone with regrets over things you should have-or shouldn't have- done.

The only possible remedy to this is to ASK the other person what they want. And if they don't get scared and run off, you might just get a straight answer.

Or they speak up—but are not very loving. And yes - I've been on the receiving end of this clap-trap you're spouting here I need and deserve somebody who shares my core interests. Get Listed on Psychology Today. A large body of research shows that we are attracted to people who are similar to us, especially those who share our attitudes and values.

Hi Jenna, I have to admit my comments were based on a recent Psychology Today Are You With The Right Mate one that's left me devastated. I think I was too busy pushing my own agenda to take the time to know and understand her. I just wish she had been a little more straightforward with me at times. I've just met a similar type of girl now, one who admits to being the 'solitary' type, but that's okay. Maybe if I'm a little more patient this time I'll remember what I've painfully learned, will know how to treat this new person in my life.

It's not 'romantic' to expect someone to read your mind: And yes - Click the following article been on the receiving end of this clap-trap you're spouting here Well - you seem to be an 'expert' on what men want Explain to me what I want.

This is what you want. A woman who wants to blow you and only you at least 3 x a week. Who knows when to shut up. Who says thank you to you.

This is pretty big actually. Who's not too crazy. But she's gotta be a little crazy or trust me she has no passion for you. This takes care of so many damned problems I swear. Is it realistic, no, I know that David.

Psychology Today Are You With The Right Mate

But damn it's magical. But you know, I really believe I mean, don't you dream of a beautiful woman who wants to suck your cock almost nonstop and LOVE doing it? Don't you continue reading a woman to be utterly grateful and actually MEAN thank you when you do stuff for her? But maybe this will help? It doesn't matter because, that's just the way it is with me.

If you know a woman is in love with you David, you can turn her emotional tide with so very little. Believe it or not, having a man I'm in love with just call me sweetheart can turn my anger into lust. Oh yeah, one more thing I had to look up Dunning- Krugerite.

That guy the study was based on was deranged. I think you misspelled rectal exocraniectomy.