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Can We Love Too Much & Why Do We Lose Ourselves In Relationships? by Helen Mia Harris

‘Women who LOVE too Much’, Robin Norwood

“Buy two get a third free or six pounds 99 each” screamed a yellow sunshine sticker on a paperback on the book titled “WOMEN WHO LOVE TOO MUCH” by Robin other people for their unhappiness. The best part of this book is her ten point plan for recovery for women addicted to the pain of loving too much. In summary. 20 Feb "Why did he leave me?" she cries? "Things were going so well!" These are the sorts of exclamations of women who love too much when they are experiencing heartbreak. The question is how do you know that you could be one of those women? What are the signs that you need to look out for to identify. Could those of you who have read this book or investigated this theory please enlighten me about the concept, or add your perceptions of it? I fully.

This posting is a review of a wonderful book that some of you may already be aware of and others not. It was written by Robin Norwood back in and was republished in paperback by Pocket Books in April of It is recommended reading for people who become ensnared in a similar type of unhappy, unfulfilled and torturous relationship pattern. What I found interesting about this book was the fact that it accurately portrayed a certain type of woman who sought psychotherapy with me over the years.

Their unavailability may stem from such read more as their alcoholism, narcissism, fear and avoidance of intimacy, rage, inability to form lasting attachments and any other of endless numbers of personality problems that make them unsatisfactory partners for anything like a permanent and happy marriage.

Women Who Love Too Much Summary

Yet, as Norwood points out, there are certain types of women who pursue men who will never make them feel happy. In fact, some of the men they pursue are abusive, rejecting, cold, distant, sadistic, ungiving and emotionally unresponsive.

Some of these men even make themselves physically unavailable for weeks or months under one pretense or another. Yet, the woman continues to pursue.

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In fact, why do they become obsessed with these men? All the evidence points to the fact that these women repeat the pattern and seemingly learned nothing from their prior unhappy experiences. Norwood provides many explanations for why and how these unhappy women repeated trap themselves in unfulfilling relationships. Basically, what she points to is the fact that these women are seeking the love that eluded them when they were children. In each case she cites, either one or both parents were unavailable to them.

The unavailability may have been due parental personality problems, alcoholism and drug abuse, domestic violence or any number of other problems that interfered with parenting. What always impressed me about these cases was the intensity of their obsessional symptoms and their inability to gain any understanding of what was causing their symptoms.

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The sessions were filled with ongoing discussions of their current boy friend to the degree that it felt to me as though I was invisible. Actually, they were so preoccupied with these men that is seemed as though they were absent from the room. The other characteristic was that they reported how terrific the sex was. Yet, they seemed to miss the point that, while sex is important, so are the other areas of relating.

Obsessional thinking is viewed as a defense mechanism that the patient is unwittingly using to hide something else.

I hated the book, threw it in a corner, picked it up again and weeped until the end What if I'm not good enough? Putting him on a pedestal means that you will automatically be putting yourself in the pit. You try to help him and try to get him to help himself to work on his issues in the hope that he will change and that all will be well.

The answer to that last question varies from one individual woman to the next. The deeper issue can be something like wishing to evade real intimacy out of the fear that she could reveal vile things about herself.

In this case, there can be a deep feeling of not being lovable. Another possibility is that the obsessional thinking can hide a fear of being controlled and dominated by an authoritarian man who represents the controlling and rejecting parent of childhood.

Your relationship has become an obsession. In a relationship, you are much more in touch with your dream of how it could be than with the reality of your situation. In order to heal from your relationship addiction you need to learn a completely new way of living. They so want the approval and love of their partner that they would do anything for him and let him do anything to her. Jan 28, Ayesha added it.

Other possibilities are that obsessions hide deep seated depression, anxiety, believing that life is source and, the list can go on.

Because the issues are deeply rooted in personality problems, it is safe to predict that the therapy will continue for a long time. I would recommend psychodynamic psychotherapy with an emphasis on existential concepts.

Women Who Love Too Much Summary

What this means is that the primary focus of the therapy is on the relationship between therapist and client. It is in that therapeutic relationship that the unhappy patterns of behavior are repeated and the therapy provides a corrective experience. Insight or understanding is not enough for the client. She needs an experience whereby she can learn a different way of living. For an extensive list of local and national treatment providers, both for-profit and non-profit, you may also visit www.

For more information about MentalHelp. With that in mind, would you like to learn about some of the best options for treatment in the country?

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Need help breaking free from addiction? He is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in the states Read More This posting is a review of a wonderful book that some of you may already be aware of and others not.

In so many ways, these women seemed blind to themselves and to the men they were with. What are your experiences, opinions and questions about this difficult issue? Read In Order Of Posting. Previous Post By Allan.

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